Getting comfortable with potty talk
Downtown Chester, VT/Photo by Deborah Lynch
My intent is to not get too political in this blog, so I apologize for today’s topic. I promise to lighten things up in coming days.I wanted to write a news poem today, but with the headline I chose, “Transgender Bathroom Debate Turns Personal at a Vermont High School,” poetic form makes it seem too much like a joke, so I’m back to the essay. Why, why, why would I want to flush out my thoughts on such a controversial topic? Well, I’m in Vermont right now and not too far from the town of Chester where this story originated. I’ve worked with a transgender colleague and shared a bathroom with her. We both emerged alive and unscathed from the sharing. I’ve actually avoided reading most of the recent stories out of North Carolina because I considered it a non-issue and didn’t want to read about others’ prejudices. The fact that it is an issue in Vermont, too, surprised me. Many people have strong convictions on this topic, and I respect that, but read on to find out why I don’t think it should be an issue.The biggest cause of panic seems to be worry about pedophiles. That’s a concern, but it is also a concern in “gender at birth” bathrooms. Some fear that males will take advantage of being able to choose the bathroom of their gender identity to take advantage of females if they choose the women’s room (or perhaps vice versa). This could absolutely happen. It could happen even without the new directive from the federal government that all public school districts must allow students to use the bathroom that matches their gender identity, not their birth gender. A male could walk into a women’s room or a female into the men’s room – and I’m guilty of being surreptitiously ushered into the men’s room at concerts with long, long lines to the women’s room -- at any time anywhere.Most of us live in multi-sex households and we share our bathrooms with the opposite sex. Yes, we have closer relationships with the family members with whom we share bathrooms, but we are using the same facilities. Many businesses have one restroom that patrons must wait to use singly, often following someone of the opposite sex who exits the bathroom. This isn’t about scary opposite sex germs.This is about having someone that others perceive to be of the opposite sex sharing a multi-stall bathroom with a long shared mirror above the line of sinks. That woman who was formerly a man might see you combing your hair, brushing on some makeup, or God forbid, might hear you fart. Let’s be honest, women don’t like other women observing these natural passages either, but nature calls, and that zit has to be covered. Public bathrooms are icky no matter who is in there with you. Don’t guys ever hate whipping it out in front of a public urinal in the men’s room? I’ve never quite understood that lack of inhibition by men, and I’ll be forever grateful to the Brit who warned me before running the New York Marathon that I should be sure to pick the upper deck of the Verrazano Bridge because it is a rite of passage for males running the race to take a piss over the top deck of the bridge with the spray blowing onto thousands of runners who made the bad choice to run on the lower deck. I guess I understand the rite of passage exhibitionism, but maybe in tighter quarters men have more humility. Maybe it’s not a gender issue as much as a general privacy issue.The rumor in the Vermont story is that a middle school-aged boy in this tiny seventh- through 12th-grade high school complained about having a transgender boy in the bathroom with him. Often, our kids reflect our fears, our politics, our prejudices. The uncomfortable middle schooler can’t be blamed. Some high school guys are wearing Straight Pride T-shirts and complaining about having any girl who wants to say she is now a he walk into their restroom while they are exposed at the urinal. Vermont’s a funny place. It’s ultra liberal and it’s also ultra conservative. It’s a sometimes uncomfortable mix of former city people who were attracted by the simple lifestyle and outdoors sports of the state, and proud natives, who legend has it won’t accept an outsider as one of their own until a family has been in Vermont for five generations.North Carolina is having the same struggles between cityfolk and countryfolk. Cities like Charlotte had passed laws to protect people on the basis of sexual orientation, gender expression and gender identity. The state responded by passing the nation’s toughest law barring transgender people from using restrooms that do not match the gender on their birth certificates. The state law overrules antidiscrimination laws in cities and towns. Musicians have canceled concerts there and businesses have threatened to pull out of the state in protest.Make sure you have your passport handy at all times because unless this craziness stops soon, you’ll need to produce it to enter the restroom. I feel no more threatened by a transgender woman than by a regular woman. That transgender woman is primping just as I am in the bathroom. The door to my stall closes behind me. If anything, transgender people will be more closely watched and reported for any indiscretions, so the predator theory is null. Transgender people already have enough to deal with. Let them pee in peace.
Works Consulted
Hartocollis, Anemona. “Transgender Bathroom Debate Turns Personal at a Vermont High School.” The New York Times. The New York Times Company. 17 May 2016. Web. 17 May 2016.Hirschfeld Davis, Julie and Matt Apuzzo. “U.S. Directs Public Schools to Allow Transgender Access to Restrooms.” The New York Times. The New York Times Company. 12 May 2016. Web. 17 May 2016.Lichtbau, Eric and Richard Fausset. “U.S. Warns North Carolina That Transgender Bill Violates Civil Rights Laws.” The New York Times. The New York Times Company. 4 May 2016. Web. 17 May 201