Trust me, it's time to start planning
Who wants to think about death and dying? Entire books have been written about our society's reluctance to do this. Some cultures and religions celebrate it, plan for it, and look forward to it. As much as we try to avoid it, the Grim Reaper awaits. Might as well beat him at his own game.
The Path of Life Garden in Windsor, VT, ends with Death, Rebirth and the Gateway to Eternity / Photo by Deborah Lynch
Many people, me included, try to avoid thinking too far into the future about weighty things like retirement, beneficiaries, and death. We have a weekly reminder when social security taxes are taken from our paychecks although many are cynical and realist enough to recognize that we might not all make it long enough to benefit from that overdrawn federal insurance plan. Since we were in our 20s, my brother-in-law would celebrate New Year’s as the voice of doom every year: “Another year closer to death.” Thirty years later, I’m beginning to join him.It’s not fun to think about getting older. That bone-breaking feeling in my feet as I roll out of bed in the mornings is enough to remind me. Most baby boomers are either quickly approaching the need to dig deeper into preparation for the future or are experiencing it with their parents.My mom and dad have always been the most responsible people I have ever known in every area of life, late life and death planning not excepted. My mom worked in a bank for her entire life so is much more familiar with financial planning than most, and thankfully she has fully taken charge of things for her and my dad to make things easier for both them and for my siblings and me. They wrote a living will and they formed a family trust so that they would not have to worry about losing their home if they required nursing care later in life. They have every single thing accounted for so that they can live well now and have everything in place for the future.
Mom and Dad living life to the fullest / Photo by Deborah Lynch
Details of their trust, will, health care agreements, and finances fill a gigantic blue binder that upon opening immediately causes eyes to glaze over. It includes titillating passages like this: “The Trustee shall collect income and, after deducting all charges and expenses attributed thereto, may apply for Beneficiary’s benefit, in-kind, or in cash, so much of the income and principal (even to the extent of the whole) as the Trustee deems advisable in the Trustee’s sole and absolute discretion, subject to the limitations set forth below [the attorney's bold emphasis].” The limitations drag on for another four paragraphs. Truly, I don’t think I’m smart enough to die.I have often joked that I am not smart enough to be a criminal either. Just trying to think about how to smuggle drugs without getting caught, or how to cheat on a big exam without getting caught, or how to hide the body and not get caught make my head hurt. Trying to think like a lawyer also makes my head hurt. It makes me wish I had the writing skills to turn their big blue binders into two pages of cheery, matter-of-fact prose. I know I could do it, but I would live with a permanent migraine.Thankfully, my parents’ attorney was convivial and helped to translate the legalese gobbledygook into common English for us. He patiently explained a Plan B Crisis ½ Loaf Strategy (it has nothing to do with bread, by the way): “To make this convoluted process easier to understand, I used your current financial situation … .” That he acknowledged it as convoluted won me over so that I continued reading and finally understood this half loaf theory that “1/2 of a loaf is better than no loaf,” which means we would have to give up some money to save some money. Now, he was speaking my language.I used to think that Trusts were only for rich people. My parents while rich at heart are not financially rich. A Trust gives them something even more valuable than money. It gives them peace of mind that should one of them need extended nursing care, they would not lose their home. For that, the Trust protects us all. Knowing my parents don’t have to worry about their future, relieves my siblings and me.My mom has always been my role model, and now she also has paved the way not only for herself and my dad, but for me. She has shown me the right way to get things in order, and I realize that sooner is better than later if I don’t want to burden my children in the future. I need to begin by organizing our belongings, which will eventually lead to organizing our paperwork and our finances.My husband and I are pack rats – not to the level of the Hoarders of A&E fame, but 17 years living in the same house after moving 14 times in 15 years, we kind of let loose. In those first 15 years, we threw things out with each move, but 17 years in one house has led to more than a little accumulation. I have piles of mail and paperwork laying around my bedroom. The top of the garage is filled with unwanted furniture, skis and snowboards, camping equipment, and musical instruments. The basement has workout equipment, a huge safe, a ping pong table covered in boxes and bottles, an old fridge, piles of boots and winter clothes, and more. The closets? Don’t even think about opening them.Yes, it’s time for summer reading, summer travel, and summer fun, but it is seriously time for summer spring cleaning – make that 17 spring cleanings. Kids, I’m doing it for you.