My nine children, plus a few more ...
Boating off the coast of Sweden with Fredrik's family
No time for blogging lately as I’ve been running around with my kids and former exchange student. Since it’s his fault, I’ll write about him today. Hey extended Swedish family -- this one's for you! Warning: We’ve hosted seven Swedes for a year each, so this blog is going to be long. The last of our seven Swedish exchange students, Fredrik, came for a 10-day visit last week. He looked so tall. His blond hair, once long and scraggly around his face, was now suavely slicked back. He looked so handsome and mature. Still, he had arrived quite similarly to how he had arrived to us nearly eight years earlier – with a suitcase nearly empty of clothes (this time filled with Swedish candy and tea as gifts). Unlike when he arrived as a 16-year-old exchange student, however, this time he was eager to shop and to fill his suitcase with cheap American bargains. He bought at least eight dress shirts, pants, a watch, a backpack, and seven pairs of Converse (OK, they weren’t all for him). His visit was filled with adventures and conversation. He made me realize how much I had gained from hosting exchange students.
Ida and her boyfriend Magnus with Anna in Savannah, Ga.
I remember the morning we dropped Ida, our first Swedish exchange student, at the airport for her trip back home after a year with us in Hershey. We went to breakfast and were all a bit quiet. That whole day I felt restless and was in a funk. I missed her. She had brought some chaos and challenge into our four-person household, but she had also brought light, laughter, and a new perspective. From the beach to the mountains and everywhere in between, she had become a part of our family. She had invited me to join her and her friends on their excursions. She was truly a big sister to my kids, who were then 8 and 6. The house felt empty without her.A year later, she took care of that emptiness problem for us. She called to ask whether we had ever considered taking another exchange student. We had, but hadn’t really pursued it. She had come to us because my husband had worked with her father during our year in Sweden, so we already knew her and her family. We were a little worried about taking an “unknown” through a formal exchange program. She offered us an alternative when she called. She said that her good friend from school in Sweden had paid extra to an exchange program to be placed in California, and instead had ended up in Oklahoma being moved from house to house because of issues, and was going to go home to Sweden if she couldn’t find a family to take her. That’s where we came in.Because she had been “vetted” by our former student, we took Frida, who had been shifted around in Oklahoma like a bag of recyclables including with a family that allowed no TV or radio unless it was Christian programming and threatened to put Tabasco sauce on her tongue if she disobeyed them. Yikes! Frida arrived to us on Sept. 10, 2001, because my local high school principal said since it was already two weeks into the school year, she had to arrive then or he wouldn’t accept her. It’s good he had set a deadline. I was registering her for classes at the high school on the morning of Sept. 11, 2001, when teachers started running down the hallways talking excitedly. School was dismissed early that day because of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. Frida’s family in Sweden was beside themselves with worry, especially since Three Mile Island – just 11 miles away – was listed as a terrorist target and to them New York City and Washington, D.C., were practically on our doorstep.
Tomas (right) and a friend / from Facebook
Despite her rocky start in the United States, Frida had a great year with us. Just as Ida had become part of our family, she did, too. Her great group of friends often joined us for game nights and dinner. Soon after, her cousin Tomas asked to join us for a year. He impressed us by trying sports he had barely heard of before like wrestling on the high school team, by learning to play guitar in school, and by earning the top score in an Advanced Placement American History class. A Swede was best in American History; we laughed. We sat on the sofa together as a family and binged on every Godfather movie together with him.Frida spread the word about her time in the United States, and the next thing we knew, her best friend’s younger brother asked to come for a year. Bjorn was a soccer goalie, so we grew invested in high school soccer and the kids and families involved. He loved family road trips when we would blare music and sing along at the top of our lungs. He and my son shared some interests despite their three-year age difference, including tennis, which we all enjoyed together. Beej loved offering his critiques as he looked over my shoulder while I graded student papers. He joined into everything we did 100 percent.
Frida, Bjorn and Kristin / from Facebook
The summer Frida’s younger sister Kristin arrived to us was chaotic. We were renovating our house and for several weeks the roof was missing from part of the house as the ceiling was raised and skylights were installed. Despite being short two bedrooms, our house became somewhat of a United Nations that summer.
Kristin (2nd from left) and Ida (third from right) with Ida's parents (Bjorn and Eva), Scott, and my friends Kim and Steve in Sweden
When Kristin first arrived, my nephews who were born in Puerto Rico were staying with us for a few weeks. To keep them occupied some of the time, I enrolled them in a soccer camp, which was coached by young guys from Ireland. On the first day of camp, the coach asked if any families would be willing to host coaches because they needed places to stay. Of course, we could fit one more. So, Kristin and my daughter shared a room, the Irish soccer coach got his own room, and the nephews and my son slept on wrestling mats in our basement. After the nephews and the coach left, we had a couple days’ visit from a friend we had made through a tennis tournament in my hometown. Lhachi was a former Buddhist nun from Nepal who was now attending an international high school in Florida. Kristin loved being a part of this diverse craziness. She then quickly made friends through cross country and introduced us to even more people and events. She also had a friend from Sweden come to visit for a week. That could only mean one thing.
That's my Gabbi Girl on a visit back to Hershey
The next year, the friend, Gabbi, moved in and my son moved out. He was spending the year with Bjorn’s family and attending high school together with him in Sweden. Gabbi was vivacious and kind, and quickly made friends everywhere she went. She helped to fill the hole left by Patrick’s departure, and became a protective big sister for my daughter. I loved watching them walk to high school together every morning. Gabbi loved trying new things and switched from running (how she and Kristin had met in Sweden) in the fall to soccer, a sport she had never played, in the spring. She did great for a novice. She lived that year to its fullest.Soon after Patrick returned and reacclimated to Hershey, Fredrik arrived with his nearly empty suitcase. He had signed up to be an exchange student, but then his mother saw a frightening documentary about placements in the U.S. with delinquent families. She was talking about her fears for her son at work when her co-worker, Frida and Kristin’s mom, said she knew a family that might take him.
Fredrik and I posing with a Pittsburgh backdrop last week
I almost tore my hair out as we shopped for weeks before Fredrik finally chose some clothing to supplement the little he had brought with him. He soon became comfortable in his clothes – and in his new life. He, too, ran cross country and made his initial friendships, but then he played basketball and introduced a wrestling family to yet another world. He found a girlfriend and many other friends. I couldn’t keep milk in the refrigerator or cereal and snacks on the shelves that year. He grew in so many ways. By the time the year had ended, we didn’t want him to go.
With Anna's international friends from college: (clockwise from left front) Anna, me, Carol, Patrick, Seohee, Miyoung, and Bomin (front center)
We had already decided that Fredrik would be our last year-long student because Patrick would be a senior the coming year, then Anna would be a senior, and then Scott and I decided we wanted our senior years. That made his departure after a family trip to Oregon even more bittersweet. In the seven years that have followed, we have hosted Danish students (shout out to Heidi, Martin, Kelly, Louise, Channie, Camilla, Cecilie, Thea, Line, and Marie!!) for two-week stints, we welcomed a sweet nursing student (Tammi) who trained our daughter in barrel racing into our home for a year, the daughter of one of my Pittsburgh co-workers (Maxine) bunked here during a rotation at Hershey Med, our nephew (Nate) stayed with us for a summer internship, and we’ve hosted some of my international students (Yule and more!) and my daughter’s international college friends and roommates (Nadja, Carol, Seohee, Miyoung, Bomin, Danbi, and Han) for holidays. Fredrik, however, was the last of my seven “other” children.His visit last week was a joyous homecoming. It felt like he had never left. We rendezvoused in New York with Patrick, celebrated in Vermont with Anna, traveled to Pittsburgh to explore with a high school friend, and visited some old Hershey haunts. It felt like one of my kids had come home.My family gained so much more than we ever gave by hosting those seven amazing kids. It feels like we have family in Sweden. In fact, almost every year since Gabbi was here, we have rendezvoused with her parents. Most of our "kids" have been back to visit. Ida introduced Anna and I to her boyfriend when we met in South Carolina for the wedding of one of her high schools friend last year. We celebrate their graduations and work accomplishments. The occupations of our seven Swedish children include physical therapist, architect, IT/business consultant, business investor, Swedish university student union officer, police officer, and medical student. I couldn’t be more proud. Now, we are also celebrating the births of their children. My husband and I are exchange grandparents to three beautiful Swedish babies with two more on the way.Thanks for coming “home,” Fredrik. You’ve reminded me of so many wonderful memories.