Flying the coop or building a nest?
My multigenerational family in 2015 on a visit with grandparents before my kids flew the coop / Selfie by me!
Today’s New York Times reports that fewer young people between 18-34 years old are leaving home than ever before. They are choosing Mom and Dad as their roommates. It credits this phenomenon to several factors including a desire to save money or lack of rent money, social customs that no longer promote early marriages or relationships, and “failure-to-launch syndrome.” Also in today’s paper is a story about lack of migration by Americans, which might be contributing to the slow economic recovery. Not only are more Americans becoming sedentary in front of the TV or the computer leading to rising obesity statistics, but also more and more Americans are staying where it’s comfortable, comforting, and cheap.This lack of mobility doesn’t necessarily indicate something negative. Some cultures expect children to return or never leave, but for decades, American culture celebrated the launch of the next generation. It was viewed as a sign of defeat to complete college, then move back home with Mom and Dad. Similarly, parents saw college for their children as the ticket to their next stage of life – privacy, travel, a cleaner house, fewer bills, etc. Sure, parents still provided loving support and the occasional check, but as long as their children were living independently, it didn’t matter how or where.Then the economy crashed in 2008, jobs dried up, and many fresh-faced college graduates had difficulty finding jobs – especially in their fields, particularly liberal arts majors (but that’s another blog for another day). They took jobs as baristas, nannies, and dog walkers to get some spending money, and moved back into their high school bedrooms still plastered with Harry Potter posters and Legolas cutouts. Many families allowed children to live rent-free as they worked low-pay jobs while applying to grad schools or exploring communes in the desert for their next home.This economic flux helped to create a different American culture. Not only are children returning to the nest, but more and more grandparents also are living with their children whose children are living with them. This provides multiple incomes within one household so that a family has better chance of prospering. It also provides child care, older adult care, and companionship for all of the ages. Michelle Obama’s mother has been living in the White House and helping with her granddaughters since 2009. Cultural anthropologists note that traditionally African American families have supported one another through cohabitation, and immigrant families tend to keep the generations together as they adjust to their new culture together. In particular, immigrants from Asian and Latin nations bring grandparents into the home, and those grandparents discover they enjoy being a part of their children and grandchildren’s lives.According to research from 2014, 32.1 percent of young adults live at a parent’s home, 31.6 percent live with a spouse or partner, and 22 percent of young adults live either in a dorm or prison, or with a grandparent or sibling. That leaves less than 15 percent living independently, with their young children, or with a roommate or boarder. Whenever my daughter feels depressed about living in a rural area far from home where it’s hard to meet other young people, I remind her that she should feel proud of her accomplishment of living independently. These figures show just how much of an anomaly she is. She moved to Vermont because it was one of a handful of states where she could work in her profession without national certification that is required in most states, including Pennsylvania. Because she graduated at the end of a summer term, she didn’t have the necessary transcripts to register for her vet tech national certification exam, yet she wanted a job in her field. So, she moved to Vermont to get hands-on experience while studying for the exams.It hasn’t been easy for her to live on her own in an insular place with no nearby support system. Yet, she’s doing it and along the way, she is developing some valuable life skills that she would never have gained had she lived with me bossing her around. I know myself. As a loving parent, I would probably have interfered too much, thereby stunting her advancement in both living and social skills. I love hanging out with her, talking with her, and knowing what’s going on in her life. I completely get the psychology of multigenerational family units. I also appreciate the privacy and independence we all gain in our own abodes. My son fortunately found a job after college, too, and is now moving to New York for a new job. My kids are helping to fuel the economy even as they join a minority in current American culture.My son’s move to New York puts him in the middle of my daughter, and my husband and I. I hope he realizes that he has just become our family rendezvous point and that we can’t wait to squeeze the generations into his Harlem studio apartment. Get out the inflatable mattress and the wine and cheese – the relatives are coming!
Works Consulted
Buia, Carolina. “Why Multiple Generations of Families Choose To Live Together and Why It’s Not Such a Bad Idea.” Newsweek. Newsweek LLC. 25 April 2015. Web. 25 May 2016.Cohen, Patricia. “A Dearth of Pioneers: Fewer Americans Strike Out for New Jobs, Crimping the Recovery.” The New York Times. The New York Times. 25 May 2016. Print.Ferraro, Gary and Susan Andreatta. Cultural Anthropology: An Applied Perspective. Stamford, CT: Cengage Learning, 2014. p. 237. Google Books. Web. 25 May 2016. Lewin, Tamar. “Millennials’ No. 1 Roommates Are Their Parents.” The New York Times. The New York Times Company. 25 May 2016. Print.