Building friendships to bridge cultural divides
Orn Ngarmcroh (the selfie photographer), Anna Marshall, me, Calida Gao, and Xinnan Niu.
Today’s (tonight’s) post will be brief because it is way past my bedtime and sometimes writing just takes a backseat to things like Farmers Markets, bike rides, international dinners with amazing former students, Penguins games with friends. Today’s post is about friendship.Hershey High School is examining its policy on teacher/student relationships outside of school, including on social media. It has been amended to “maintaining professional adult/student boundaries.” This seems pretty fuzzy, but I guess that’s the intent. Some teachers enjoy communicating and sharing with students outside of school. I tried to never be “friends” with students while they were still my students but after they were no longer my students, I considered social media an appropriate way to stay in touch. Thanks to Facebook and WeChat (the Chinese social media app), I have maintained good relationships with several former students. Oh, how that has enriched my life.Tonight, I was honored to have three of my former grad students (two from China, one from Thailand) invite me to a feast that they had cooked. They surprised me by inviting two amazing former colleagues as well. They treated us to Pad Thai, sautéed romaine lettuce, shredded potatoes fried with green pepper, delicious garlicky baked chicken legs, chicken curry, coconut agar and more. We spent more than three hours talking about classes, travels, writing, family, and friends. I got to soak in their cultures, their sweet personalities, and their cuisines. I feel privileged to call my former students my friends.
Scott, me, and Anna with Luwei at top left and his friends and cousins in 2015.
About a year ago, another former student invited my husband, my daughter and I to join he and his big extended family for dinner. He had 12 – or was it 18? – family members and friends visiting him from China. They had asked to meet a real American family. Scott, Anna, and I were it -- we were the token (or is it ugly?) Americans. They asked us to come early so we could help them to prepare the dumplings. Prior to our arrival they had made so many amazing dishes that it was hard to sample them all. We helped to roll the dumpling dough, to fill it with the pork mixture, and to carefully crimp them together. The mothers in the group showed us how to do it just right before they were sautéed into indescribable deliciousness. We shared food, drinks, laughter, and photos together. It was a special night for my family and I to feel so honored to be their guests and students of their culture.My former student posted a photo of us together on Facebook. A former high school classmate messaged me after seeing it to advise me to watch out for the Chinese students because they are here gathering information on me. I guffawed out loud before responding to his message with this: “My Chinese students are amazing, and I think having them in the U.S. to study is the first step in changing the antagonistic relationship between our countries. I like to think that I am helping to teach them about culture and people as well as English. Exchange, immersion and learning about other cultures to develop empathy is the first step in a better world. I know that I am an idealist, but it makes MY world better.” I couldn’t see his grimace, but I could sense it in his response: “You faculty drive me nuts! :} It's OK to be an idealist, but keep it tempered with realism. Believe me, the Chinese leadership are not our friends. I know for a fact a majority of Chinese here as students and on exchanges are collecting intel on US personnel. Just be careful what you tell them.” Paranoia does nothing to secure borders. It’s what builds walls.College is an appropriate place to begin breaking down many different kinds of boundaries – boundaries of thought, politics, economics, gender, class, culture, and professionalism. Questioning binaries and beliefs is what allows real learning to begin. I wish my former classmate could have met my amazing students tonight. They are what gives me hope for the future of our world.